Drive please

For the past few months I have felt like God was leading me somewhere. I didn't and don't know where. I felt "called" and didn't know what the message was. Over these months I have spent more time in Bible/Theology study than I have ever in my life. Things have been wonderful. I decided that I would let some desires pass and I would focus my life on something different...

Let me back up. Without getting into details (because things are still unknown) here's the story. For much of my life I have desired to go into one specific area of law. I loved this area and I spent a lot of time learning about it and the people involved in it. For years I had this desire and nothing happened. For years I had wanted to get into this area of the law and roadblocks were put in my way. So when I began to hear the "call" I didn't know what to do so I studied the Bible, I studied theology, I listened and I prayed and I prayed. I finally said "God, if this desire is not of you please take it away. If I have this desire and nothing is going to happen with it please take it away." He did...or so I thought.

For the next few months I fell in love with theology and with my Lord and my God. This was it. Somewhere, somehow, I was going to be involved in full-time ministry doing something (preferably teaching).

Then it happened. Out of the blue I received a call saying that I was the type of person that should be involved in this area of law. I was needed. Seriously? What the heck!? For the past 2 weeks I have been struggling internally, mentally about what to do. What does this mean? Why now? Is this for real? What does God want me to do? I am at a loss but I am excited.

Today the stress of trying to figure things out started taking its toll. People at work asked if I was ok and they commented about my seriousness. Tonight at home I didn't have the patience that I normally have (which isn't much to begin with). After I put Josiah to bed I got on my knees and prayed. I prayed that God would clear things up for me. I prayed that I would make the right decision. I prayed...and then it hit me. I'm still trying to drive. I need to get out of the driver's seat and allow my Master to drive.

Part of the Christian life that many people are afraid of is the fact that sometimes we feel like we don't have control over our lives. Sometimes we feel like we are going to have to do something that we don't want to do. To me, one of the best things about being in God's family is that I don't have to be in control. I don't have to be at the wheel of my life. I can map out my life how I think it should look - I should do this - but then I must allow God to take me where He wants me to go. The best thing is, it's always better than where we think we should go.

Who's driving your life?