I have spent many hours contemplating where God is leading me and my family. God is a God of order and not of confusion (I Corinthians 14:33) and so surely He is leading us somewhere and it will be obvious...or so I thought.
As I have struggled knowing and understanding what God is doing in my life and in my family there have been disappointments (we started an adoption process but that went nowhere in 1 1/2 years), there have been changes (3 jobs in 2 years + 8 months of unemployment), there have been ups and downs and successes and apparent failures. What there has not been is much clarity. But if God is a God of order and not of confusion then why am I so confused? If God's Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path (Psalm 119:105) then why do I not know where we are going?
The answer lies in Hebrews 12:2. Yes, Jesus sets our course and we are to run it (Hebrews 12:1; Proverbs 3:6; II Timothy 4:7). However, Hebrews 12:2 does not tell me to look at the course I am running; it does not tell me to look for the turns or to plot the best approach to the course. Indeed it is true that we are to train our spirit for the race that is set before us (I Timothy 4:8), but this is not done by analyzing the best approach to the challenges ahead or to know the places where I can take it easy. My problem has not been that God has been a God of confusion or that God has not set out a course before me. My problem has been that I have been too worried about the course and wondering if I am even on the right course and I have not been setting my eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith. As we set our eyes on Jesus we know just where to go - the cross. As we set our eyes on Jesus we will know that we are running the race and like Paul we will be able to say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; 8in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing."
