Drive please

For the past few months I have felt like God was leading me somewhere. I didn't and don't know where. I felt "called" and didn't know what the message was. Over these months I have spent more time in Bible/Theology study than I have ever in my life. Things have been wonderful. I decided that I would let some desires pass and I would focus my life on something different...

Let me back up. Without getting into details (because things are still unknown) here's the story. For much of my life I have desired to go into one specific area of law. I loved this area and I spent a lot of time learning about it and the people involved in it. For years I had this desire and nothing happened. For years I had wanted to get into this area of the law and roadblocks were put in my way. So when I began to hear the "call" I didn't know what to do so I studied the Bible, I studied theology, I listened and I prayed and I prayed. I finally said "God, if this desire is not of you please take it away. If I have this desire and nothing is going to happen with it please take it away." He did...or so I thought.

For the next few months I fell in love with theology and with my Lord and my God. This was it. Somewhere, somehow, I was going to be involved in full-time ministry doing something (preferably teaching).

Then it happened. Out of the blue I received a call saying that I was the type of person that should be involved in this area of law. I was needed. Seriously? What the heck!? For the past 2 weeks I have been struggling internally, mentally about what to do. What does this mean? Why now? Is this for real? What does God want me to do? I am at a loss but I am excited.

Today the stress of trying to figure things out started taking its toll. People at work asked if I was ok and they commented about my seriousness. Tonight at home I didn't have the patience that I normally have (which isn't much to begin with). After I put Josiah to bed I got on my knees and prayed. I prayed that God would clear things up for me. I prayed that I would make the right decision. I prayed...and then it hit me. I'm still trying to drive. I need to get out of the driver's seat and allow my Master to drive.

Part of the Christian life that many people are afraid of is the fact that sometimes we feel like we don't have control over our lives. Sometimes we feel like we are going to have to do something that we don't want to do. To me, one of the best things about being in God's family is that I don't have to be in control. I don't have to be at the wheel of my life. I can map out my life how I think it should look - I should do this - but then I must allow God to take me where He wants me to go. The best thing is, it's always better than where we think we should go.

Who's driving your life?

Follower...

What does it mean to be a follower of Christ?

It means that I am not my own because I have been bought with a price.

It means that I no longer live but Christ lives within me.

It means that I have been crucified with Christ.

It means that I will be hated because the world hated Him first.

It means that I will be mocked because the world mocked Him first.

It means that I am not to fear those who can kill my body.

It means that I am to love my enemy and pray for those who persecute me.

It means that I am to serve others, even when I don't want to.

It means that I know how wretched of a person that I am.

It means that the things that I do not want to do are the very things that I do and the things that I want to do I do not do.

Anybody want to follow with me?

Accepted

I remember when I was a kid hearing people at church camp saying that they "accepted Jesus into their heart." I remember struggling with this statement. Who am I to accept Jesus? Who am I to decide that I want to allow Jesus to rule my life? Who am I? What am I?

I am a creation of God Almighty. I am a creation of Jesus the Christ. I am a sinner. I am lost. I have no idea that I am a sinner. I have no idea that I am lost. So who am I to "allow" Jesus into my life? Do I have that final say? Do I have the ability to tell the Creator of the Universe that He is not allowed in my life? If God wants me to be in His family can I really tell Him no? If so, why did I allow Him into my life and my grandfather did not? Why did I "accept Him" and many people who are much smarter than me did not?

I remember these thoughts and I remember not talking to anybody about them. Were these normal thoughts? What would the leaders at camp say? What would the leaders at church say?

I am glad that I didn't talk with anybody about these thoughts. I am glad that I didn't ask if I was out of my mind. I am glad that I have spent 30+ years thinking about them and wondering how all of this fit into the theology in the Bible.

I am glad that I didn't ask around with these questions because I think that I would have been led down an incorrect path. I would have been told that yes, I did have a choice. I would have been told that we must accept Jesus and this will get us in heaven.

What I would not have been told, nor could I fully understand (as if I can now), is the sovereignty of God and how He chose me to be a part of His family. This grace is nothing that I could have ever earned or deserved. I was given this grace by God for reasons unknown and unknowable to me. I am thankful that I didn't have to "accept" Christ. I am thankful that Christ did all of the work for me - He died on that cross and He brought me into His family. There is nothing that I could ever do to bring myself in. Believing in Christ is done only because Christ gives us the ability to do so.

To Him be the glory and the power forever and ever.